Friday, January 19, 2007

A Tale of Stinky Vengeance

This happened a while back, but I just found your awesome site & had a pretty good story to share.

I live in Seattle, and I used to work in Union Square downtown. Getting hollered at by some disgusting piece of shit was a daily occurrance and definately nothing new, but typically I wouldn't respond to anyone when these things would happen. Usually I'd just ignore them & go about my business.

On this particular day, I was just getting off of a hard day at work. I was tired, grumpy, and (this may be TMI, but it's an important part of the story) I reeeeeally had to fart. I know, gross. But everybody farts, so don't look at me like that.

Obviously I didn't want to pass gas in front of the swanky clientele we had at work, so I was doing my best to wait until I got to a restroom. As I was crossing the street, there was a man who was walking to the corner at the same time. He looked like a normal guy, obviously out for a jog judging by the hotpants he was rockin'. He glanced at me, and then it looked like he was going to go straight so our paths would intersect, but then he did a double-take, gave me this incredibly creepy look, and as I approached the corner he decided to walk along side me. Well, I wanted no part of this.. I knew what was coming. I did my best to try & scoot along in front of him while holding in my foul gas that was building up fast.. this one was going to be monumental, and all I could think of was getting to a place where I can let it go finally. I was just about a foot ahead of him when we were stopping at the next traffic light, and that's when it happens:

"You've got a beautiful ass!"

I knew he was going to say something, but I had no idea it would be so.. to-the-point.

I thought to myself, "This asshole's got some nerve.. I've had a crappy day, I'm exhausted, and I have to fart so bad it's giving me a stomach-ache.."

So instead of yelling at him, instead of just letting it go, I knew what I had to do to get him away from me as quickly & efficiently as possible. I had to kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes. And that's exactly what I did.

I farted.

Right in front of him, practically in his face I let it go, and it felt damn good. Immediately after, I turned around to him & said, "Still think it's beautiful??" This is the part where I'd explain the look on his face, but there really are no words that can paint a good picture. It was priceless. Shock, disgust, and complete disbelief is the best I can do. I have never been so delighted with myself for farting in public. As the traffic signal changed, I couldn't wipe the shit-eating grin off my face.

As soon as I got off at my bus stop, I told my boyfriend about what had just happened. After a good, long chuckle, he said to me, "See? I could never be with anyone else because no ohter girl that I know of would have the balls to do that."

Hell yes!

I highly recommend this method to any lady who's sick of dealing with assholes who just can't contain themselves. It's the most effective way I've ever gotten a douchbag pervert off my ass.

- M
Seattle, WA